JANUARY 7th, 2008 MONDAY 11:15PM

PROBOT TOY REVIEWS:
BEST & WORST (MOSTLY) STAR WARS TOYS OF 2007

First of what will be a regular feature of ProbotNews, Damon Wellner reviews his list of Best and Worst Toys of 2007.

It was a great year to be a SW collector. The 30th anniversary of the greatest toy commercial ever offered fans a lot of the best Star Wars toys ever offered. Hasro released well over 60 of the 3-3/4" figures in 2007 and years of collector feedback is finally starting to show in the line.

But still sometimes you wonder... just what they were thinking when they designed this?

Before we get started I should mention my philosophy on collecting: I play with my toys. That's pretty obvious, but as a player I have a different set of priorities than collectors whose main focus is value. I gage the value of my collection not with a price guide, but a fun-o-meter. I don't mind reissues of toys I couldn't afford to get the first time around, even if it devalues the MIB original issue hidden in some nerd's closet, because in my opinion, that MIB toy should be torn free of its box and played with. There will always be a bigger nerd with a bigger closet than you, so ENJOY your collection, don't hide it from sunlight.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT COLLECT LEGOS. WHILE THE STAR WARS LEGO LINE DEFINITELY RANKS AMONG THE BEST SW TOYS, I SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD TO COLLECT THEM.

BEST SPENT SEVEN BUCKS AWARD -
HAN SOLO WITH TORTURE RACK

Tired of waterboarding your toys?

Sometimes the accessory is better than the figure it comes with and here's a good example. The bad news is that the Han Solo that comes with this torture rack is not good for anything but being tortured. The good news is that you can take him out and get right on to torturing those who really deserve it... like Joh Yowza of ROTJ Special Edition! I know many people would probably prefer to torture JarJar Binks, but first things first. This guy has had it coming for 10 years.

The point is you can torture whomever you want. So if you want some good, clean, sadistic fun, buy this for yourself or a young impressionable child! (It says "torture" right on the package!)

WORST WASTE OF SEVEN BUCKS AWARD -
UMPASS STAY

This Klatoonian puts the "ass" in Umpass since he doesn't stand up properly, nor do anything but wait for his drum solo looking constipated. It leaves you wondering how this Special Edition character became a priority over... well, every other character in the series.

Is the torture rack still warmed up?

Go Umpass... please just go.

COOLEST CARTOON FIGURE AWARD - 2 WAY TIE
BOBA FETT (HOLIDAY SPECIAL)
With the exception of Zutton the Snivvian, this version of
BOBA FETT is the only time Lucasfilm has acknowledged
that the Holiday Special ever happened! If this continues,
I might get my dream multi-pack of Chewbacca's family,
Mala, Ichy and Lumpy!

COOLEST CARTOON FIGURES AWARD
RUNNERS UP-
CLONE WARS ANAKIN
YODA & KYBUCK

I love the Clone Wars series that are based directly on the cartoon, but they don't usually get to mix with the general population. However these cool crossovers are in my opinion the best Anakin and Yoda figures Hasbro has released.

Anakin could use a Jedi robe if he gets chilly, but he likes to show off his space-slug tats! Also, he's got a cool bionic hand which can be switched with a destroyed one!!

Every warrior needs a Battle-Beast, and finally Yoda has his own! Plus his jedi hood has ear-holes. This Yoda is ready for battle!

BEST EXPANDED UNIVERSE AWARD -
MCQUARRIE CONCEPT SERIES

McQuarrie concept Chewbacca is one of the coolest aliens ever, with some amazing detail work. But we all know real Wookies like to go nude.

The other stormtroopers are jealous that they don't get a lightsaber like this guy. The problem with the McQuarrie Concept line is that they are so hard to get. They have all been snatched up by collectable stores and are often priced beyond reason. I had to decide I don't really "need" Mcquarrie Yoda/Obi-Wan 2-pack for $40.

BEST EXPANDED UNIVERSE AWARD - RUNNER UP
PRE-CYBORG GRIEVOUS

My favorite new character from Episode III was General Grievous, and now you can play Grievous: The Early Years with this pre-cyborg concept figure. See how handsome he was before the steamroller accident?

R4-X2 (TOMY)
REMOTE CONTROL ASTROMECH DROID

BEST DARN DROID AWARD - RUNNER UP
CZ-4

CZ-4 has seen better days and desperately needs a lube job, but he's not down for the count yet. This is one of the best droids ever produced by Hasbro. The detailed sculpt. The paint job. So much personality for a robot! CZ-4 is fully articulated, a rare feature in droid figures! Keep it up Hasbro, this is what we want!

Now, if he could just remember where he parked his landspeeder...

BEST DARN DROID AWARD - HONORABLE MENTION
IMPERIAL DROIDS RA-7 & R4-I9

Some may call them "repaints", but if you want to keep your Death Star running efficiently, you need a small fleet of droids... and they need to be painted black to show their allegiance to the Empire!

RA-7 and R4-I9 will serve the Emperor well!

(R4-K5 & R5-J2 are technically 2006 releases, but they all make fine additions to any Imperial lineup.)

BEST DELETED SCENE FIGURE AWARD -
BEST MOUSTACHE AWARD -
BIGGS DARKLIGHTER
(Tosche Station)

This version of Luke's chum, Biggs Darklighter, is a great example of how much Hasbro is listening to hardcore collectors. You won't see Biggs sporting his cool black cape in any Star Wars movie, for the Tosche Station scene was cut. We all know Biggs was killed by Darth Vader at the Battle of Yavin, but kids who had the Star Wars Storybook will surely remember 2 mysterious photos of an extra scene back on Tatooine in which Biggs tells Luke he's quitting the Academy and joining the Rebellion.

Biggs is a free spirit and, since joining my collection has started a Lee Hazelwood/Nancy Sinatra cover band and performs nightly on the Glamour Gals Ocean Queen Cruise Ship.

DISCO STU (A.K.A. WORST DRESSED) AWARD -
LANDO (SMUGGLER'S OUTFIT)

Lando remains one of the coolest Star Wars heroes, and is normally known for his keen fashion sense, but Lando in Smuggler Outfit just makes you start to wonder...

Do smugglers have an "outfit"? If all smugglers dressed the same, wouldn't they be easy to spot at customs? Now that's just silly. So was Lando raiding Han's wardrobe when Solo was carbon frozen? Or was he reclaiming his own clothing that he lost gambling along with the Falcon?

You see... this figure just raises too many difficult questions.

Also, I searched through about 10 of these figures to get the best paint job, but couldn't find any that weren't looking up. What are you looking at Lando? Are you putting in your contact lenses?

"Well TK-4Q2!"

BEST "VINTAGE SERIES" FIGURE AWARD -
BOSSK

I have rarely plunked down the $9.99 for the "vintage series" figures, but sometimes it's worth the extra cash to get the "ultimate" version of a favorite character. This Bossk does not disappoint. Finally the scariest of the bounty hunters has the articulation points he needs to do his job well. And the amazing paint job makes his scaly skin seem very real. I will never need another Bossk.

BEST HERO AWARD - RUNNER UP
LUKE SNOWSPEEDER PILOT
(ULTIMATE BATTLE PACK - BATTLE OF HOTH)

Purists will whine that this is a "kit-based repaint", the head of one old figure put on the body of another. In this case a Luke head on Snowspeeder pilot Zev Senesca's body. But honestly I don't want every Luke to have a different sculpted face. I want there to be consistencies, so if this luke matches what collectors consider the best Luke ever, the "Vintage" series ANH Luke, then I say "GREAT"!

Bendable elbows would have been nice, since he is the hero of the film and all. But this figure has great sculpt details and is in my opinion the 2nd best pilot Luke ever offered. But speaking of details... What's with giving luke Obi-Wan's lightsaber?

BEST MAKEOVER A.K.A."BEST REPAINT" AWARD -
SHADOW SCOUT (with Speeder Bike)

While I have resisted Hasbro's previous attempts to tempt me with Stormtroopers painted black, called "Shadow Stormtroopers", this time I was too weak. Throw in a black speederbike, and I start justifying stealth armor and immediately throw down the bucks. One drawback is that this new version of the classic '80s toy does not blow-up. Now, I want "Stealthy" to succeed in his missions as much as anyone, but isn't the fun of speederbiking in the crashing and exploding? What if a pesky ewok steals your bike? Couldn't it at least explode then? Tough luck, but I still love this toy. The Scout trooper is a repaint of the most playable version of the Scout trooper ever offered.

BEST SHIP AWARD
IMPERIAL TIE BOMBER

I never got a TIE Bomber on its two previous releases, but I'm sure glad I got one this time around. I like that it's white like the classic TIE Fighter, but I'll take a Bomber in any color. This toy falls into the same sadist-play category as the Torture rack. TIE Bombers aren't just used to flush hiding rebels out of asteroids you know! You'd have to wonder about a parent who would buy a toy that says "BOMBER" on the box for a child. Lucky for me I'm neither a parent nor a child.

BEST SHIP AWARD - RUNNER UP
IMPERIAL TIE INTERCEPTOR (ELITE SQUADRON)

TIE Interceptors have always been my favorite Imperial fighter, so it wasn't too hard for this repaint to win me over. The big differences between this toy and previous Interceptor releases is the hatch has been modified from a 2 door to a single hatch door. More noticeable are the red stripes, which identify this as an elite fighter with many kills marked on its side. I'm willing to play along because the exclusive pilot figure is a great helmet sculpt that looks more accurate to the films.

BEST NON-STAR WARS FIGURE AWARD -
CLUBBER LANG
ROCKY SERIES
(JAKKS PACIFIC)

I mostly collect Star Wars toys, but occasionally other toys are too cool to pass up. This may have technically been a 2006 release, but it's such a great likeness of Mr. T, not cartoonish at all like most previous Toy T's, and in fact very realistic sculpt. Good articulation too. The suede jacket and pointy toed boots put it over the top.

You would be a fool to be pitied if you don't add Clubber Lang to your collection!

BEST BLIP CHARACTER AWARD -
&
BEST HUNK OF PLASTIC AWARD -
HERMIE ODLE

I remember this guy, he has about .62 seconds of screentime in letterboxed versions of ROTJ. With fabric cloak and BLAAAAAAH drool-action mouth! Not known for fast reflexes, call on Hermie if you need someone to help you move.

Also good for hucking at annoying siblings, but only when you want to do real damage.

MOST MIXED-BAG AWARD -
Y-WING FIGHTER

Why would Hasbro include a droid with the new Y-Wing reissue when the droid compartment is already occupied? This is essentially the same exact mold as the '80s version of the toy, down to the same failing starboard landing gear, but with the best feature removed! Why not fix the design problems instead of adding to them?

I like the droid and the pilot that come with the ship, don't get me wrong. I just want to put any astro-droid in the ship just like i used to be able to.

I have to keep this droid far away from his doppleganger or he starts to freak out.

The next time Hasbro reissues this ship I hope they fix that blasted starboard landing gear. It usually breaks the very first time you land the ship, and I have never seen a Y-Wing that did not have this faulty design.

BIGGEST OMISSION AWARD -
PRINCESS LEIA

On the 30th Anniversary of Star Wars you'd expect at least ONE version of THE FEMALE LEAD OF THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY! I know the Leia figures don't sell well in general, but that's probably at least partially because they rarely are designed with the care the character deserves. Most of the sculpts have been weak and the faces badly painted. It's time for a good Classic Leia, Hasbro, please!

BIGGEST WASTE OF PLASTIC AWARD -
MEGATRON

No Star Wars toy is a waste of plastic, no matter how stupid they are, so this award must go to a Non-SW toy.

This toy was a gift from someone who got it as SWAG and didn't want it, and I am happy to have it... as an example of everything a toy shouldn't be.

This was a big opportunity that Hasbro blew. They paid for the movie so they are to blame for the character that was conceived as a toy, developed into a new character, then remade into this hunk of junk sold as a toy.

I can see why they didn't make Megatron transform into a giant pistol, like the original incarnation, because that's just silly. They had the opportunity to reinvent the character and could have transformed him into anything, a Stealth Bomber. A Hummer-Limo. Any vehicle we'd love to hate! Instead they chose to make him transform into what? I think it was supposed to be some sort of alien spaceship, but it was almost impossible to transform and no fun in either form.

I actually liked the movie because I'm not a transformer collector, but Hasbro released a lot of figures for this movie that didn't even transform? What was the point?